Some alternative definitions for the themes of the year.
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Alternative financial glossary | |
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Abenomics: | Proof that adding "nomics" to a surname makes that person sound extremely intelligent. |
Alibaba: | 1. A folk tale in which a slave does most of the hard work for the hero and gets very little in return; |
2. A fabled IPO in which…never mind. | |
Basel: | Somewhere a very long way from Asia. |
Bitcoin: | (n.) Fad currency. The Tickle-Me-Elmo of 2013. |
Bookrunner: | Co-manager. Also: |
Active bookrunner: | Syndicate manager with no chair; |
Passive bookrunner: | Syndicate manager with no phone. |
Business trust: | Oxymoron. |
Cinda: | A good bad bank. |
Core DNA: | 1. The centre of a molecule containing the genetic code for mankind; |
2. A catch-all phrase containing bankers’ code for doing whatever it takes to make money. | |
Cornerstone: | Any Chinese company with more money than sense. |
Corporate hybrid: | 1. Environmentally friendly company car; |
2. Security that becomes toxic whenever rates rise. | |
CRD IV: | Alternate spelling for the capital of Wales? |
Credit enhancement: | Tool allowing a bank to turn a corporate loan into a bond without the hassle of explaining the underlying risks (See SBLC). |
EMIR: | 1. European Market Infrastructure Regulation; |
2. Very important man in the Middle East. | |
Excessive entertainment: | Paying for lunch in Tokyo. |
Fixed-for-life: | In bonds, describes a note that will mature long after the holder is dead, if at all. |
Google it: | 1. A branded term for searching the internet; |
2. What Alibaba tried and failed to do on the HK stock market. | |
Infrastructure trust: | The level of confidence needed to take a train in Thailand. |
IPO sponsor: | Defendant. |
Keepwell deed: | Medical insurance for bondholders. |
Libor: | (vb.) To lie about something really dull. |
Lightning rod: | JP Morgan. |
Loss-absorbing: | Descriptive term that apparently has no direct translation in Asia. |
Monitoring markets: | Technical term for a deal that’s dead in the water. |
Myanmar: | 1. A country in which no reputable bank should do any business (2012); |
2. A country in which every reputable bank should be doing business (2013). | |
Order book: | The only place in the world right now where inflation is a problem. |
Perpetual: | About 5 years. |
Plenum: | No idea. |
Point of non-viability: | 1. When authorities start a run on a bank in an attempt to save it; |
2. A date to be identified long after the next banking collapse as the day regulators should have stepped in. | |
Private banking: | Secretly lending money to people who buy your deals. |
SBLC: | Should've Been a Loan, see? |
Seamless execution: | One phone call, instead of two, to your in-house private bank. |
Sovereign wealth funds: | Institutions established to preserve the long-term wealth of their countries by investing in exactly the same securities as mutual funds, but three months late. |
Tapering: | 1. To make gradually thinner or smaller; |
2. To destroy emerging market currencies. | |
Weekends: | Time not spent working (applies only to Goldman Sachs juniors). |
Yellen: | (n.) New species of dove that looks even more like a dove than the last one. |